Boats, Booze & Bicycles - New Myanmar (2)

INLE LAKE, MYANMAR

                                             

                                   

                                                       

I’m barreling down a steep hill on a rented bicycle, monsoonal rain lashing at my face, laughing maniacally when two things suddenly occur to me:

1. This is the most fun I’ve had in months, and

2. The brakes on my bike appear to have failed and the front wheel is about to fall off.

But a few bottles of Sauvignon Blanc seem to have obliterated my ability to feel fear and I’m reveling in the danger.

“Go baby, go,” I scream as I skid around a corner and gradually come to a halt, which given my bicycle is permanently stuck in third gear, isn’t as difficult as it should have been. My friend Phil, who wasn’t quite as kamikaze in his descent, catches up a few minutes later.

We’ve spent the last few hours at the Red Mountain Winery near Inle Lake in Shan State, Myanmar, along with a couple of backpackers and about 70,000 blowflies, socking back the Sav Blanc and Cab Sav over a few curries.

We hadn’t intended to stay that long.

But getting to the place was an ordeal, so we figured we should make the most of it, always a good excuse for popping another cork.

“Follow the main road until you see the sign, turn left, then go straight,” said the friendly man in our hotel, adding “You can’t miss it,” a notoriously unpropitious assertion in any country, let alone Myanmar.

We missed it, several times. 

Then when we finally found the right road, Phil was sideswiped by a truck. And what our friendly hotel chap, and everyone else we sought directions from failed to mention was that the winery was located on top of a steep hill, accessible only by foot, so we had to park our antique bicycles and sweat and heave our way up the incline.

“Why isn’t there a fucking elevator,” I whine, which given even my outrageously high capacity for complaining, I now concede was unreasonable, unnecessary and, okay, ridiculous. 

Our arduous journey aside, we are amazed that Myanmar even has a winery.

CRAIG & PHIL, RED MOUNTAIN WINERY

But the country is full of surprises and delights. Since sanctions have been lifted and the political reform process began, it’s also welcoming tourists.

The scenery is spectacular, the people are friendly and accommodating and the food and booze excellent.

On the downside, it could do with some infrastructure and telecommunications improvements. Actually, forget ‘improvements.’ It could do with some infrastructure and telecommunications, period. 

After making it through immigration at Yangon’s modern new airport – see previous blog entry – our delight quickly begins to dwindle.

Obtaining a local Sim Card requires filling out umpteen forms in a process marginally less complicated than emigrating.

Then the money-changer rejects four of our 100 USD bills because of slight creases, folds or other minor flaws.

When I ask the friendly information lady where the ATM machine is, she smilingly informs me, “We don’t have one.” Naively I assume she is talking about the airport so I inquire if there is one nearby. “No, we don’t have one, we don’t have any. Not at airport, not in entire country.”

The taxi ferrying us to the upscale Savoy Hotel has no air-con, no suspension, no door handles and springs protruding from the circa 1948 seat covers that, with each approaching pothole, place us at risk of disembowelment.

We’d decided to treat ourselves, so Phil and I stay at glorious five star restored colonial era hotels, for which we paid and extortionate sum. There aren't many mid-priced or budget accommodation alternatives as yet. And, hey, we're both Divas accustomed to living well beyond our means.

But tour groups are beginning to trickle in. On spectacular Inle Lake we encountered one. They were mostly middle-aged New Zealanders, intelligent, well-informed, well-mannered and well-dressed i.e; the complete antithesis of most package tour groups. They were relishing the experience, open-minded and prepared to go with the flow.

What they weren’t prepared for was the scorching Myanmar sun on Inle Lake, which you zoom around on long-tail boats, stopping off at exquisite temples, charming villages and bustling local markets.

As old Asia hands, Phil and I had smothered ourselves in sunscreen. In this respect, the Kiwis had been remiss, and consequently were burnt to blisters.

“Isn’t it gorgeous,” remarked a woman with a face the color of a fire engine.

“Stop staring and talk to her,” whispered Phil. “I can’t or I will laugh, she looks like that reindeer with the red nose, Randall wasn't it," I reply. “No it was Rudolph and grow up,” he snaps, turning to speak to the woman and immediately bursting into guffaws, much to her astonishment. “Okay, I see your point,” he concedes.

While infrastructure, telecommunications and accommodation have a ways to go, I’d suggest you get in before Myanmar starts attracting the masses. 

It may be a challenge, but a lot of it is still unchartered territory and a fabulous adventure. Just keep an open mind and remember to pack the sunscreen.

Coming Up: Mingala ba Hey: Girl Group Goes Global